Tuesday, December 09, 2003

Glad I got annoyed with Blogger's spell check, and just copied it all into Word, as when I went to post, Blogger, in its wisdom, decided that I really wanted to log in at that point, so it could shrug its shoulders when asked "where's that big post gone?".
That must be the first time in my life that Word has actaully managed not to lose a large amount of unsaved text.

Wooyay indeed. Got to be on envelope stuffing duty today and yesterday. Discovered that there is apparently someone named Godspower (in Nigeria)[1]. And the people who typed up the address are none too bright (and have some odd interpretations of the World). Like the address that read "[English sounding address], Albany, New York, Albania". Georgia confuses the hell out of them too (so usually they give up on deciding if it's US, or ex-USSR, so stick it under Germany). Oh Amsterdam is in France, Kaapstad is in Jersey and Mauritius is in Israel. And apparently there's a place in Durham called Pity Me. There also appears to be a Mr Milk Shake living in "The Holy City"[2].
[1] Unfortunately not the guy living at Godspeed House, and I didn't see their cousin "Godsofrock".
[2] That's "the holy city" No. 1 (Jerusalem), not No. 2 (The Vatican). I wonder how many more franchises there are going to be - coming soon to a former green belt site near your "The Holy City 3: Return of the roundabouts”. Free Second Coming with every house purchased [see in pack for details, no purchase necessary, for further details please send a SAE to: Our Father House, Hallowed St, Art-in-Heaven, Kingdom Come. While stocks last. The organisers reserve the right to replace the Second Coming with a similar gift of a greater or equal value. Offer not available for employees or familiars of God Inc or their families.

And Cas-Av has beaten me to it - one of the problems with doing mind numbing repetitive actions all day, is that someone invariably puts on some awful radio station. First we had Radio 1 for a bit (ok so not to bad, but that's only once one reaches Jo Whiley after the whiney dearth that is Sara Cox[3]), and then it switched to pure local radio drivel. I can only say A. Thank god Shania Twain appears to have fallen off the face of the earth. B. Thank god it's not radio 2. C. But it's still as bad as I remember it (but lacking the County Kitchens ads[4]), and sounds exactly like radio station in Exeter that broadcasts on the same frequency[5] (but lacking the Trego Mills ads[6]).
[3] Who of course has been axed in favour of Chris Moyles. From her pure grating to Moyles's pretty much Moulinex 500[being a food processor (or sounding like it ought to be one), extrapolating out from the term grating. It's supposed to be funny, although obviously the joke's still in the planning stages, and you've only seen a mock-up. But you get the gist right, although this whole explaining thing has probably dampened the laughing a bit, hasn't it? But unlike most of my jokes it doesn't need a diagram to explain it, and that's got to count for something, right?].
[4] Which went "county kitchens, the best kitchens in the county". Which even as a child I thought lacked a certain amount of effort. For a start which bloody county?
[5] And turns out to be owned by the same company.
[6] The West Country's premier reason for realising one ought to leave the west country as soon as possible. That and the rampant Kernow flags (demeaning Cornish heritage and oppressing your language? Your parents are from Cheshire!).

Anyhoo, getting back to the point - the sheer awful roadkill stuck to the tyres[7] effect that is Ozzie Osbourne singing a duet, with his daughter (who is definitely the product of her parents). You know that Pogues and Kirsty Macoll song that always appears around Christmas - well at least deranged semi-drunken shouting fits into that song. Drug addled befuddlement and schmaltzy saccharine diva (who lacks the voice to be one), is not a good mix.
[7] And yes I am aware of how insensitive this is, given recent events. How do you think I felt when having just ranted in similar terms about this song, the news came on, complete with the Quadimodo story. Still is a truly abysmal song though.
And does anyone else, having watched The Osbournes, feel surprised that Mr Osbourne should happen to be using a quad. And then start having worrying thoughts about whether the guy has a driving licence.

And for pure shits and giggles, I have to link this - Powergen Italia. Sorry, what was that URL? Though apparently not connected to Powergen, the weather sponsoring people. Though I think I've had many spams on this topic, and I now I'm thinking about the concept too much (ow, with buzzy noises). Do you think they are aware?

And I was going to write about my excitement at getting my first Nigerian Official Money Transfer spam, and possibilities for ensuing cruelty, but couldn't because Blogger bloggered off. And then a second one arrived from someone who claims to have diddled Charles Taylor out of a few mill, only now he's being shot at, and has to dispose of the money otherwise someone will think he nicked it. Except his email's ...@tiscali.co.uk, which is a bit odd considering he's supposed to be in Liberia (although he seems a bit confused about which country he's in anyway).
Can I be arsed to befuddle the poor fool in a perfect illustration of muppetry? Probably not.

Argh! I've still got stupid Christmas songs stuck in my head. Whatever-ing cheap radios stations. And no, I don't wish it could be Christmas every day (something something to pl-a-ay), because then I'd have to hear this song every day, and that would not be good for the world.

Anyhoo, I'd better stop now as all I'll do is find more to rant about.

PS. Casino-Avenue (aka the Vispa-er), thinks I said nice stuff about him. Opps, must try harder next time. Except it's a bit hard to find stuff about him about which I can be not nice [right good grammar there]. But the nice stuff is never nice nice stuff, more just about not damning with faint praise (but not by much), much like Southern Cross's quote [convenient plug].
And I just discovered that if you search google for "Southern Cross blog", it finds it, and quotes them quoting me.
And now I'm feeling guilty for writing less than erudite stuff. So I'll give up.

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