Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Damn him - why are people who work in the media so good at using words? Once again, Casino Avenue is annoyingly good. Especially when being bitchy about local news in London. He also toys with the latest incarnation of The Former British Republic of London [link not really worth reading, as it's mainly people stating opinions].

But would it be a republic? Or would it be a constitutional monarchy? Or maybe TFBRL and the Rest of the UK would take turns, and so TFBRL gets to be a republic for nine months of the years and a CM for 3 months, and vice versa for the RUK.

But how would the country and the city cope? What would the UK do if power went back to Winchester? Or would it spilt and the North be governed by York? Would this mean Timeout [Winx edition] would be talking about Itchen Stoke is the new Itchen Abbas, and eventually Four Marks as the new Alton?

Where would the barrier be? Around the City? Around London as generally perceived, around Greater London? Or maybe anywhere inside the M25. Actually if it's the last one, then there'd be lots of barriers off to one side of the road, which would be great, as it would get rid of most of the traffic. You could get to Oxford in no time.

Though I'm not sure what Weybridge would make of it. And I think making a big block round London when the power has shifted south west would leave Hertfordshire and Essex as declining into barren wastelands, scarred with the remains of endless double garaged executive homes [such a shame]. As for London itself, what would they do for the required perpetual influx of young people, which is needed to prop up the society's structures.

What would happen if the young no longer could come, and the old no longer leave? London has always drawn in the poor and hopeful, and churned out the richer and more successful, who move out because they are worried about raising children in the city. They settle in the suburbs, in counties full of commuter villages (though "village" is used here as loosely as the Americans use "city"). The children age, the parents move further out as their children are drawn towards cities, including the ultimate one. The children go off to complete the cycle as their parents continue further out coming to rest against a coast, or some suitably forlorn rural area, full of natural charms [i.e. no cinema, no sports centre, no galleries, museums or theatres. But it's got some lovely hedges].

Though would it mean we would no longer be stuck with the local news being London news, with the accompanying local weather, in which (if not blocked by a presenter's buttock) the area where we are is only occasionally referred to, and then invariably by the name "The Sticks". Just because Mr Cockcroft [who is looking strangely like Mr Punch these days] lives somewhere nearer Oxford...

So what would happen if London ceded from the union? Well I think a large part of surrounding area might prefer to join it, rather than stay with the rest of the country. But would that precipitate further devolution elsewhere? If the South-East declared itself as the Colonies of London, what would the rest of the country do? Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland would form the Celtic Union. Kernow would instantly declare independence (tell you what, as a token of the enduring friendship Cornwall has with RUK, you can have Plymouth as well), to be shortly followed by the establishment of Fenland. York and Lancaster (and possibly Durham) would divvy out Up-North, with the formation of the Federation of Post-Industrial Cities linking the closely packed city states between Bradford and Liverpool. Birmingham would refuse to be subservient to Winchester and break away along with the lands up to the FPIC zone. Oxford and Cambridge would follow suit and take with them most of the area above the M4. Which leaves Winchester trying to control a region that reaches from Devon to Hampshire and up to Bristol. And the Isle of Wight would also split off from the RUK, which would rename itself Wessex. Wessex would continue with an internal power struggle between the Solent Cities, Bristol and Exeter, with Winchester declining in power. The Isle of Wight would decide that its sole purpose was to make the entire world's population move to the IOW on the same day, just to see if that oft-quoted factoid is true. Oh and the FPIC would sink the Isle of Man, just because it was annoying.

So if London left the UK, then the UK would break into the constituent countries, and England would fragment into Kernow, Wessex, The Isle of Wight, The Former British Republic of London and Associated Colonies, Fenland, Oxbridgia, Brumland, The Federation of Post-Industrial Cities, The Land of the White Rose, Redroseland and Durhamhinterland. Oh and the Channel Islands, which immediately fall to the French.

Within a few years Durhamhinterland merges with Norway, LWR and much of Brumland is invaded by Denmark. Birmingham itself joins the FPIC. Kernow seizes parts of Wessex up to Taunton and Lyme Regis. Bristol and much of the eastern bank of the Severn fall to Welsh control. The southern coast of Wessex declares independence as the Alliance of Solent Cities, taking the capital Winchester with them. The Salisbury based remains of Wessex find themselves in an untenable position and join with Oxbridgia, under the name Wesbrox. The FBRLAC forms a union with the Netherlands, buys out Fenland, digs it up and transports the materials to the Netherlands to help counter rising sea levels. The ASC sells the neighbouring state of the IOW to the FBRLAC as building materials.

Redroseland declares itself an American State, but is rejected by the USA, and accepts an offer to become a Canadian Province. Wesbrox, seeking protection from Danish, Dutch or Cornish invasion, signs sovereignty over to New Zealand, and so becomes part of the Asia-Pacific Union of Successful States. The ASC eventually joins the FBRLAC, with Belgium, Normandy and Brittany [who are fleeing the Teuto-Turk dominated EU], to create the Former British Republic of London and Associated Colonies, Countries, Cities and Commuter Belts.

The FBRLACCCCB is renamed London England. In a few more years Wesbrox joins London England, and LE takes control of the member states of APUSS. The members of the Celtic Union join Canada as Provinces.

Er...where was i going with this? I think I better stop my bizarre meanderings in hypothetical lands. And I've forgotten what else I was mean to be talking about. Oh well,


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