Tuesday, April 06, 2004

So I finally get around to opening the post that has accrued whilst I've been away. How come that the in the past fortnight I was more popular than I had been in the preceding month? Oh wait, this one begins Dear neighbour (in faux writing-on-a-whiteboard font). DOES 20% EXCITE YOU?. Er...? Scanning it, oh, it's a poorly produced piece of blurb, on behalf of the Lib Dems. They've sent out a mailshot about recycling and waste. I'm guessing they've done that to every registered voter in the borough. So that's how many bits of paper complaining about the lack of recycling?

But, ah, what is this, the Conservatives have also sent out a mailshot, and they even print my name on the letter - wow, now that's impressive. Admittedly it addresses me as Dear [my Christian name], which considering I've never met the guy seems a little odd. But Darling Jeremy is apparently a little odd. For a start, he hoards commas (think of all the ink he saves by not putting one after Dear X or Yours sincerely), and he signs himself s "Jeremy" (it looks more like Jersey). Obviously has delusions of grandeur, though as a saving grace, he at least doesn't sign it "Jeremy R", though you can tell he's tempted. His email is just forename@genericnationwide.org, so is he really the one and only (or more likely the great I am)? He also sent out the letter before he wrote it (according to the date).

Comparing the two: Why are politicians ugly? We have the gurner and muppet-boy.

Both also send out questionnaires saying "we're listening". Except it's on paper, so that should be reading, but nevermind. The conservative one is sent out by the Conservative Front [sorry Future, "the youth front" 1], and covers national issues. It features such unbiased questioning as Are you concerned about safety on public transport? coming directly after Have you been a victim of crime in the past 5 years? It's quite worrying that on questions where I'd put "yes", I know the Harrumphing brigade would put an ardent "no".

[1] Yes, the ones who thought CFUK was a great name, cos it's like FCUK, and that's cool, because they make trendy clothes, and nearly spell fuck. Except CFUK does spell something that sounds suspiciously like fuck. Well, c-fuk, which is either a variant on "love at first sight", or sounds like there'd be sand in unusual places.

The Lib Dems questionnaire is much more locally orientated, discussing recycling, transport, council tax, and the WMD saga in Iraq. Unfortunately they say "we're listening" (whilst also saying they'd tax earnings over £100k 50p. Possibly you mean 50p in the pound), but before each question they say what they would do if elected. So you're listening to our opinions, but you're not going to act upon any of it then? Which rather begs the question "why bother?".

Though the Lib Dems do run to a Freepost return address - with the proviso: No stamp needed but using one helps save our campaign costs. That's just asking the Tories to send a continuous stream of unstamped junk mail to that address. But then the Tories say on their form "return it to us" (with no address), on the letter they say in the enclosed envelope, only there is no enclosed envelope. And these people think they are ready to try and run the country?

And woohoo! I can sign up to stuff envelopes for the party. Er...well, the last time I did it the going rate was £6 an hour. Somehow I doubt the stamp-counters could run to that.

Hmm, so there'll be quite a lot today on my terribly uninteresting life - may be I should start building TV studios in Baghdad. Or creating merry hell on her messages (see the 40 or so on her last Iraq posting).

Idly reading stuff, I came across the term "suedehead", used to mean hair clippered uniformly short. It struck me as a slightly odd word[2], although I can't think of that many other words to describe the same thing; crewcut, buzz, crop, number/grade whatever, or shaved (even though it obviously isn't). Actually somewhere else I've seen stubblehead and stubblecut, but I can't remember where now. Thinking about it, for something so common, there's very few words associated with it. But terms for male haircuts or hairstyles don't seem to have many nuances, every meaning is broad and highly subjective.

[2] For a start hair that short doesn't feel like suede, it either feels furry, downy, bristly (like a nailbrush) or like sandpaper. Which I'm sure you will all be interested to know. Perhaps. I'm in a hole, aren't I? Fine, I'll just cheat my way out and tell you to go and grope the head of nearest stubbleheaded man. It was either that or launching into a discussion of the respective heights of walls (which I've never tried, but I did start talking about hedges in the same situation. Confused? Go and read the Guide).

Out of curiosity (read: extreme boredom), I stuck it in Google, and promptly discovered that it's the name of a Morrissey song[3]. Oh now I get it, an article in the Guardian Guide about middle aged men clinging to their long forgotten youth, and using references to Morrissey within it. Oh very droll. I bet the sub-editors were chuckling for ages at that.

[3] Itself referencing a book about violent teenagers, suedeheads being skinheads with hair.

Oh, I'd forgotten that. Sorry, hearing a bit of a song that I haven't heard since I went away, that I had stuck in my head during our wonderful wait in Gatwick airport. Lying on a bench in Gatwick, with no hope of anything for the next 6 hours is not the place to get one part of a song stuck in one's head. Especially when all you can remember is "I've been watching, I've been waiting, in the shadows all my life...eh-oh, eh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh". Yet another Scandirock band meets The Teletubbies. Apparently it's by The Rasmus (whoever they may be). Oooh, and it's out this week, so go and buy it! Or maybe not.

And the letter I was expecting still hasn't come. I don't know if this is good or bad.

So from suede to Swedes (nearly), with a detour via utter turnips, my, this has been a fun post.

Anyhoo, I've been writing far too long (Blogger linked Trojans, the miracle of Turnpike, and mortally wounded IE notwithstanding), so I'll be going now.

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