Sunday, May 09, 2004

Is it a good sign if one cringes when reading something one has just written?

Sorry about being a not quite so happy bunny.

So in an effort to sound happier, I went off to investigate the multitude of ways people have come here. Random google searches aren't exactly maudlin.

Wow, I'm an "enigmatic guy". Well, the 93rd on the internet, and it runs out of them at 96. But as I wasn't even talking about me, that's quite good going. Ish. Makes one wonder though, who bothers going through all the results of a search? Apparently it's someone at Cambridge. Which makes me think research, which makes me think "pity the poor fool", especially for choosing something that involves trawling the internet extensively. If you're going to do research, you may as well do it on lobsters in Jamaica [I could never figure out why a conservation study involved killing the samples. But then when you remember the samples are edible, taste nice, and are quite expensive, it makes more sense. But that's getting into Japan and Norway's whaling definition of scientific research]. But research at twenty to eleven on a Saturday night? Distinctly less likely. But I guess I'll never know. And so presumably the researcher from Cambridge will remain an enigmatic guy [in fact they're so enigmatic, I don't even know if they are a guy].

watching a guy ejaculate into condom. Why? Obviously they do things differently in Oklahoma [1]. Strange how sex seems to creep in everywhere.

[1] Why is Broken Arrow familiar? Google says it's a rubbishy John Travolta terrorist-plot film. Haven't seen it. Oh well. The city itself...well the first line of the About B.A. section runs: Many of those seeing Broken Arrow for the first time are often surprised and disappointed.... Now that's a really good advert.

Hmm, does anyone else think they may be stretching the term city when what they apply it to, is by their own admittance, a "booming suburb of Tulsa"? And why is it the websites of towns always sound so despairing? Not even half of the land in Broken Arrow has been developed...Churches here are expanding and growing, not dying. But then they do have Rhema Bible College to help with the latter. Do you think it was one of their students who wanted to watch the controlled ejaculation? Well, I suppose if there's latex in-between then you're not technically touching it, and so there's really nothing wrong with it. And if you're just watching, it's not really your fault it happened in front of you. See, absolutely nothing to confess.

The final odd one for now damien hurst butterfly paintings. This one confused me for a while, as I went up to London week before last, and went round various stuff at the Tate, but I haven't written it up yet. So how on earth can they have found me talking about those displays when I haven't yet? Searching through the archives. Oh, spatchcocking [that ought to be a swear word].

BTW, why is Benin .bj? Hands up if you even know where Benin is. Well, I was nearly right when I guessed near Chad. Apparently it's between Nigeria and Togo [yes that's Togo, you know, the one Benin]. As is traditional in places with obscure country codes, the government's website is currently unavailable [though you can find out it costs a pound a minute to call the UK here]. It's rather depressing to have to go to the CIA world fact-book to find out information about a country. It's also slightly strange reading the newspapers of random African countries [2], and still having eBay pop-ups [but they are in French, and there's also Carrefour ads].

[2] Hint: Cour is court not heart. They have a writer called Euloge. And despite the front page giving today's date, the lead story is from 2002. Zut alors.

The Post Office also have a link (directly under the one for News) for Horoscopes (which links to Yahoo). Somehow I can't quite see the Royal Mail or BT doing the same [Royal Mail's horoscope: You will find matter disappears, questions go unanswered and the future will bring financial loss. You feel you are unable to communicate, that your messages go unnoticed].

Oh, and the government's site is not the higher rated, but Brotherhood, Justice, Work. Not quite the same ring to it as the French motto. Under the heading Press, one of the categories is "organisms and medias". I think reading it in my ropey French will be safer.

Still haven't found out why it's .bj though.


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