Wednesday, December 15, 2004
And now we continue in our occasional series "How to encourage regular readers"...
Suggestion 14. Leave a post about one's mother up on the front page for 12 days, during which time no changes should be made to the site.
Sorry about that, but I have been a little busy. Central heating don't ya know. Or more specifically, central heating system was tres kaput, hence a ridiculous amount of upheaval. Like moving house, only without the new bigger house to put everything in.
And is it a good sign if the plumber [sorry, central heating engineer], upon inspecting the boiler he has just hauled out, asks if we were on holiday when it went wrong. He seems to think that in generating that much soot, the level of carbon monoxide the thing churned out should have gassed us all. It's just as well this house is incredibly draughty.
The soot had formed in marble sized nodules, which I would have taken a picture of, had I had a camera I hadn't stuck in a box. Also I'm not sure my skills extend to accurately capturing a large expanse of black, especially in the omnipresent dull light which has been coming through the mist and fog for the past month. Surely mid-December shouldn't still be having November weather?
Speaking of which, there is a monumental spider hanging outside my window, and we have had wasps popping up out of somewhere. At first there was a queen (or possibly a hornet), which is explainable due to seasonal confusion caused by the mild past few days. And then the workers started turning up. Which means there is a still a nest out there which has survived.
The plants are no better, as buds and catkins abound, and half the bulbs have decided they would much prefer to flower at Christmas not Easter. But then by this time last year the roses were still flowering, and the strawberries were still fruiting. Actually, last year the roses flowered until they got snowed upon (very the BBC's version of Pride and Prejudice). This year [to save me from tears] there have been bugger-all strawberries, and not much of any other fruit. Admittedly it was so damn wet that most of it rotted before it ripened, and everything was lush and green, and constantly growing. Even the occasional pools of water that form in the clutter [sorry, items which may one day come in handy] that surrounds the house did not evaporate away as normal during the summer. Half of them still have larvae jigging about within them. Nature is obviously going in for at-this-price-lunacy this year.
Oh, whilst on plants, does any know how to get rid of greenfly from a banana plant? They have been going manic over the past few days, despite being in a house without heating. Though at least those odd white things seem to have given up the ghost, and stopped invading everything. They are now ensconced on a Mexican hat plant, and have turned into immobile fluffy white balls. Which I then worried might be eggs, and so squished them all, and as yet there has been no other sign.
Ye gods, that was a bit of a ramble. All of which is a way of saying that much has happened. Oh and I got a bike. Have yet to ride it, due to the whole house in chaos and no spare time thing. It was the one I won from Weetabix. But it is not the one they said it would be, which was a Raleigh Tundra. Nor is it the one they said would be sent in place of the Tundra, which would be the Chinook. Which turned up, but was the wrong frame size. I may or may not have written up that episode. So then a week later the same deliveryman appears. He comes bearing a bigger box this time. Hurrah, success at last. Only it appears to be a Firefly, not either of the models I was told it would be. What the hell, a bike's a bike, and so I sign for it.
I unpack it, and judging by the state of the packaging, and the chocolate wrapper in the box, I think it might have been returned by someone else. But the bike appears to be fine. Front tyre is a bit flat, but it might be meant to be like that, or it never got properly inflated, or it makes it easier to assemble, or whatever. If it is a puncture, I would be a bit annoyed, but it is not the end of the world. A short period of alun-keying later [how does one spell alun in that context? Allun 24, Alun 51, Alen 393, Allan 2.2k, Alan 3.7k, Allen 61k ghits], along with the traditional sagging of the saddle as one tries it for height, and doing stage 2 before I notice that there was a stage 1, and it seems to be ready.
It is quite a funky bike, coming complete with suspension on the front wheel, rotary shift gears, the oddest bell known to mankind, and rapid release wheels. The latter meaning I need to find a decent lock. And about the only thing I know about cycle locks is that the one which I thought was the decent brand, turns out to be vulnerable to attack by biros.
And of course discovering the rapid release mechanism means I have to try it. I read the instructions. I squeeze whilst hooking, and pulling, and how many hands am I supposed to have? I try again. I notice just how cold I have become, and how numbing hefty chunks of chilled metal are. Eventually I unhook the brakes, which then spring apart, leave the wheel free to drop out. Instructions say a hard tap. Ow. I haul and wrench, and worry I could be about to warp the wheel. Then I undo the safety nut. How did I miss that? Another hard tap. Ow again, but don't worry I can't really feel my hands anymore.
I must be missing something. I'm not. Wiggle, thump, wiggle, spin for effect, and it drops out. It's not really a procedure one can carry out with great élan. And then to put it back in again. Which is thankfully easier. And with that I decide I'm too cold and tired, and put the bike in the garage, carefully neglecting to consider how anything involving the gears and the chain can possibly be quick release.
Moving on. An awful lot has happened whilst I've been absent. So many news stories, so many oh-so-apt snide comments, and so few published. And then there are earthquakes in Germany. What was The Day of the Triffids said about such things? By the way, have finished that, and The Kraken Wakes too, and have started on The Grapes of Wrath.
Oh the quote thing was actually from The Kraken Wakes (which is about the post-funeral parties of the Kraken family). Ex Africa semper aliquidi novi. Which according to Wyndham means "funny things happen in other places."
It is odd how in Latin the word for other places looks a lot like the word for that continent off to the south.
And is one supposed to be in one's twenties before one notices that no-one else uses the same punctuation around speech as I thought I was taught to do. I thought the pattern was "quote[speaker's punctuation, if any]"[writer's punctuation and rest of sentence]
So that would be:
"Blurb", said Jeremy.
"Wah!", cried Helen. With the post-wah comma being optional.
Someone comments on this, and I try to back this up. And then I notice that no matter how many books I pick up, each uses the model of "Quote[punctuation]" Additional text if needed[punctuation]
"Damn," said the author.
Anyway, the John Wyndhams. Both good, fun, silly, naive, convenient, stoic, sensible, and stonkingly cold war, although in the second he obviously feels guilty for blaming the Russians in the first book, and so only the stupid people in the second book blame the Russians. Both are also of the era in which they are written, although there seems to be an implication that it is somewhere beyond the then present day. But if you can manage not to ask questions about why they don't just use their mobiles/cell phones/handies, or why they don't just use email, this doesn't matter.
Onto other stuff.
News has been happening hasn't it? The whole Blunkett saga has been building, and by the time I get a chance to write about it, he goes and resigns. It's very odd though, that a crackpot Home Sec can go, and yet there isn't a feeling of "Oh good", as there isn't anyone available who I'd like to see become the Home Secretary.
So anyway, Blunkett has resigned, presumably to spend more time with his family. Well, that's the excuse they usually give isn't it, and I had to say it before it appears in one of the papers, to prove I don't just copy everything from other people. Although having said that, something similar is bound to turn up on the Honourable Fiend, although I haven't checked.
And with that, I shall bid you good night.
Anyhoo,
PS. Why do the stats show my blog does better when I don't post regularly?
PPS. Apologies for the lack of links, but it's late [the time is only the time I started the post], and I really can't be arsed. Use Google, although you'll have to type that in too.
