Tuesday, March 15, 2005

In no particular order:

Cooking whilst watching television (in a different room) is dangerous. Not least because I half heard something and wondered why in seventeen whenever people were rallying against potpourri. I mean I know it's useless and everything, but to have marches against it? Bit harsh. (And what do Catholics have to do with it? Did they smell more? But surely they have all that incense to cover it up. And isn't potpourri for rooms?).

And the award for comic mishearing, and rather worryingly illogical subsequent train of thought, goes to...the winner of the "most unable to spell potpourri" category.

Well, if it's French and faux is pronounced foe...

And wow, isn't photographic paper which is also a postcard the funkiest thing ever? Except if one tries writing on it with a fountain pen. Now let's see. Paper which is resin coated to stop it falling apart in the development tank: check. Pen which uses a suspension of dye particles in water: check. Disastrous - except if intended recipient wanted a full finger, palm, back of hand and sleeve print set of the sender - combination of the two: check.

Um, yeah, it's extra lucky cos it's got artwork on both sides.

Which reminds that I've stuck some more pictures, from the course this time, on Flickr. Either use the utterly gadgetastic (what? I've finished a postcard with the words "A woo, a hoo, and a yay," so don't complain) thumbnails thing in the sidebar, or for a full index of everything that's ever been and ever will (obviously some of the ever-wills might not exist on there yet) allez ici.

The last film on there ain't so good, as I wasn't sure about quite what to do, or how to do it, but there's some better stuff in there.

Which brings me to the apropos of blatantly nicked from Brom-man section. Which is all about stuff I've done which no-one else has. I didn't do it earlier, as I wasn't sure I could fill the quota. Ok, so I'm fairly sure I still can't, but I'm young [ish] still.

1. Managed to back over a pheasant without killing it. Which is slightly annoying as I quite like pheasant, and it would have been karmic completion for the one that flew between hedges either side of a road, and happened to take out the aerial on my car on the process. I know it is a bird, and therefore entitled to be bird-brained, but not getting out of the way when a loud, heavy, unresponsive, brightly coloured thing with pretty lights (and decorative rust) approaches does suggest it is slightly slow on the uptake. And before someone tells me that I parked on its nest, it was in the middle of a well-used car park. Oddly, only once I got my camera out did it decide that it might actually want to pick either fight or flight (or nonchalantly strutting off picking at the leaves). Whereas the next pheasant I meet not only fell for the walk-in-a-spiral trick, it also seemed bemused by the walk-straight-forward-and-nearly-stand-on-thing trick. This is only 1 and only here because it happened at the weekend.

2. Unintentionally used the phrase "running round like headless chickens" about an hour after part of the group I was with decapitated some chickens and confirmed that they do indeed run round, in a slightly baddy-dying-in-children's-film manner.

3. [Does this count as two?] On my eighteenth birthday I was halfway up Kilimanjaro. On my twenty-first birthday I was halfway across the Channel (and not on a plane, ferry or train).

4. I have met people I had various connections to [e.g. friend of a friend], whilst standing halfway up Kilimanjaro.

5. I have met a friend from university whilst waiting for the ferry to Montserrat. Neither of us knew the other was even going on holiday, let alone where they were going. I sat in a plane 20 minutes behind his all the way from Antigua to Gatwick.

6. I have sat on Kriss Akabusi's hand.

7. I have got lost with Helen Sharman.

8. I have talked to Worzel Gummidge whilst he leant on gate.

9. I have swum at 4 am on New Year's Day. To me it was still the night before.
9a. I have cursed the person who gave me "Brian" as in The Life thereof, in that stupid game where one has to guess the famous name stuck on one's forehead, hence being awake all night.

10. I have watched fireworks in the fog. Ok, so I've been cold and heard fireworks in the fog, whilst staring at a point about a metre from my face. The things people did because the years were about to start beginning with 2.

Hmm, I didn't think I'd get up to ten, I haven't even had to reel out the really shaky things which aren't that uncommon*. Ok, so some of the ten are due for replacement.

*If Brom-man can have watching piglets being born, can I claim watching a cow being born? Which was on the same day as we saw snow being blown onto the underside of branches and staying there (and not settling on the top).

Note the we. Therefore not so unique.

11. Had a brother go missing and spark a police search, and all I did was turn over and go back to sleep. Well, it was Scout night hike, and we all had tents and food, and he's my brother, so he's not daft.

12. Been injured by a flying Lego fire engine.

13. Sundry ridiculous biological things. Counting Lemna leaves for example, been kelp skiing, or managing to cumulatively appear in a Bill Oddie wildlife programme [about 4.3 arms, 2 partial torsos, 9.2 feet, 2 separate ears, one eye, and about 3 partial noses].

14. Won a junior prize cup at a sailing club. By default. The weather was vile and got worse before any of us left the beach, so everyone else started pulling out. I didn't cross my name off the list, but the race was not officially cancelled or postponed, so by some slip up of the then current rulebook, I won. No boat was launched that day, not even race control.

15. Caused Humpty Dumpty to have a great fall. HD being a stuffed toy from Playschool. I being stood on a stool, holding a piece of string with my brother on the other end, with him also on a stool. Being my nice older brother, he kept tugging the string (it was in place of a ribbon at the opening or unveiling of something), and eventually I wobbled. In regaining my balance, I knocked Humpty off the table behind me.

16. Been on the front page of the local paper many times. Been on the front page of the Daily Telegraph once.

17. Seen Volvos floating in the sea.

18. Got "French for Beginners" out on my French French teacher's library ticket. The thugs in the rugby team got a selection of Sweet Valley High books on theirs, which were instantly overdue: the names of students with overdue books were read out in assembly, as were the books the owed.

19. Sabotaged a neighbouring scout group's campsite shortly before the district head appeared to inspect it. They started it. And anyway, I only suggested ideas, and it's hardy my fault if Fairy Liquid [detergent] soon found its way into all their water containers (have you ever tried rinsing one of those out? Through the foolishly small hole?), or that their monstrously overblown gateway to their part of the site (I mean, seriously, who goes camping with 4 tonnes of wood purely to build a pointless gate?) soon developed a list before toppling and pulling all the tents and dining shelters with it (Oh dear, now that's just sloppiness that is, using the same peg to hold three different ropes, and tying them all together - the worst part is, we had to make very few modifications, as they'd jury-rigged most of their site), or that their fires suddenly started to billow dense black smoke.

20. Been propositioned in a churchyard. As it was 3 pm on a weekday, I said thanks but no thanks.

21. Had graffiti written about me. It wasn't nice but neither was the person who wrote it. The person who wrote it was 24 at the time.

22. Been stopped by the police for stopping at a red light.

23. Pushed a Morris Minor all the way up the hill on Alderney. I've no idea if the thing ever worked, or if he freewheeled down, and got a push back up.

24. Very nearly broken a church bell.

25. Get 99% in a test, and be asked about the other one percent.

26. Discover during a Bridget Riley exhibition that one eye doesn't focus as well as the other.

27. Been turned down by MI5 for not having enough relevant experience.

Ok, so I'm being to realise that quite a few of my unique things aren't all that unique, but they are rare. But it's late, and there's work tomorrow so good night.


PS. 6, 7 and 8 clarification. 6 = Athlete. 7 = Astronaut. 8 = Television character. All whilst at school. The hand was because it was some youth fitness thing, and everyone had to pose with KA for a photograph, and he left it there.

HS was going to give a talk to science teachers, and somehow my brother and I got roped in. We found HS, and then spent quarter of an hour wandering an empty school trying to find the right room. She's quite nice.

WG wasn't actually WG, but the man who played him. And he had just come out of a funeral. But never mind that.

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