Sunday, April 03, 2005

Gray's AnatomyAlles ist klar.

Earlier I mentioned being bewildered by the onslaught of people searching for Grey's Anatomy theme tune; it turns out it is a soap on ABC (no, not the Australian BBC). Unsurprisingly it appears to be set in a hospital, and judging by the current episode guide, the medicine is incidental to the romantic exploits of Derek and Burke. (Burke? Snigger). The show's website has a music guide, which lists one song per episode, so either they change the title music each week, or they have one of those really dodgy Buffyesque (hmm, make that every-American-programme-ever-and-the-wannabe-American-programmes-esque) 3-minute interludes in which a band pops up to play in the local nightclub (capacity: 30 extras), the local hospital (at the bedside of the patient who will come out of the coma at the end of the song), or the local supermarket carpark (because it's rock'n'roll).

The same section mentions the music from the pilot is "A Hard Day's Night", although oddly it makes no mention of the band. The song was originally a Beatles song (but you knew that already, right?), but I've no idea whose version it was. As the second episode is yet to air, I guess the song tons of people have been searching for is A Hard Day's Night by The Beatles. But I'm not in America, so haven't seen the programme, and so can't confirm this. Anyway, it's The Beatles, it won't hurt you to listen to it (but how can you not recognise it?).

And so on with the other bizarre searches which bring people here. Firstly Google Images has gone overboard and decided that I am the root source for all those images I have extended from elsewhere (What? I link back to the source, which is usually some company, so in effect it's advertising, so keep quiet, or I might just up my rates. That's not much of a threat is it?).

Picking up the Anatomy [for Members of the Royal Family] theme: location of bile duct in corgi. About there-ish, usually. Failing that, try one of the university vetenary websites, and see whether any have useful diagrams published as part of a paper.

Almost as pleasant to mentally visualise: naked matt barbet. I'm sorry, I only do nostrils. Try emailing him. If he'll measure bits of his face on demand, God knows what else he'll do.

Fractionally lower down on the Nice Thought scale: well known spot portsmouth cottaging. Because as we all know, Portsmouth Cottaging uses a special technique where... (my imagination doesn't stretch to this, or being remotely imaginative in any way). As for the answer the searcher sought, have you tried Gosport? I'm sure a subtle come-on would go down a treat there. Admittedly the going down might involve you falling unconcious to the floor as umpteen sailors react adversely. But then Churchill did sum up the Navy (ok, its traditions) as nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash (all in the same bedroom).

Slightly puzzling search results:
- hippy song in tampax commercial. I think I missed this one somehow. And now I've got the unfortunate image in my head of a tampon made out of hemp (presumably about to be tie-dyed).
- alderney CI porn. For some reason I am the top result, and given the number of times similar searchs have popped up, I have been for some time. And I've no idea how or why I am, nor just why it is only ever Alderney. Is it the most hedonistic of the Channel Islands, or does it have a bigger red light district than Sark? Why are there no searches for prostitution on Herm, or for rent boys on Brecqhou? Do snuff movies get made on Jersey, or is that only a Geurnsey thing? And I'm still intrigued by what Alderney porn would be like. Maybe they could have bondage at Fort Clonque, gang-bangs on the train (they'd have to be quick though), and the various pill-boxes and bunkers could ring to the sounds of climax. Maybe.
- "french boat"+cornish. I can do cornish boat in French [le bateau cornouaillais] but my knowledge of Kernowese is a bit limited.

And finally, this site is now number one for opinionated people. How's that for a claim to fame? Shame it implies certain degree of schitzohphrenia on the part of the author.

And one for luck: dexter "baltimore county" "criminally insane". Frontier Psychiatrist by The Avalanches (from the album Since I Left You) [original post].

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