Thursday, May 05, 2005

Prince Harry playing Polo Arse.

My cunning plan to vote Green (not because I want to, just because I've got to vote, and it's a case of none of the above), has hit a slight snag. There's no Green candidate in this constituency. There's Conservative or Lib Dem if we're going for potential winners, followed by Labour, Veritas and UKIP.

So I took the restaurant approach to voting. The sole looks nice, but I'm having fish for the starter, so I'll go with the pheasant. Which means my general election vote was based on studiously not voting for someone in the County Council elections. I was busy not voting for him because he was the nice man who tried to force through acceptance of a very dodgy and ill-considered planning proposal-cum-deal (it's the fact it had a cum-non-legally-binding-and-damn-dodgy-anyway-deal appended. That and it was a large 5 storey building, between a 2-storey and a 1 storey building). And then he got in a huff when it got rejected. Silly man.

Anyway, local-gov Tory isn't like full-blown Toryism.

But now I discover that the higher-up Mr Lib Dem has sent out a handwritten letter. It came in small blue envelope, with a handwritten address. It contained two small blue sheets of paper, with writing on both sides. At the top was a crooked stamp with the reply address. Now that's nice of him, to take to time to write to us personally. But wait just one moment. Those o's. They're not his o's. It's signed by him, complete with the undershot o's. Come to think of it, that handwriting does bear a significant resemblance to that Lucida Handwriting font. And the paper does have regular marks where there was ink on one of the rollers. And the signature has a faint dotted box round it.

But at least he wrote the name and address on the envelope. Except that's not his handwriting either. I'd say it was la plume d'un minor party worker, especially with the running-out-Biro texture.

I gave up on reading the letter as I'd already voted, and becuase that handwriting font is quite annoying to read after a while.

Why can't they just send out simple and clear stuff which says "This is me, this what I like, this is what I'll do, if I can"? Rather than all this "You are X. He said he doesn't like X. He was nasty to X. The other he is nasty about X. I like X, I do".

Hmm, why does voting always feel as if I'd made the wrong choice? But at least I can rest safe in the knowledge that all my vote did was cancel out, and be cancelled out by someone I know's vote.

Arse Two: I've just discovered a hole in my crotch (dear Liza). Hmm, why do trousers always wear out there?

Arse Three, The Belated Arse: Banana Saga continues. So why was I making toast round a banana plant this morning? Because I'd run out of milk. And because now it's May, and the may is out (along with umpteen insects, and the pussy willow. Inhaling becomes a case of animal, vegetable or mineral). Which means the temperature promptly plummets. Yesterday was cold. Yesterday night and people start discussing frost again (after the event, we apparently got nearly to zero).

This isn't fair. It's supposed to be spring. And I've the potting-on involved putting the plant into a bigger, heavier pot.

Arse Four: the innate crapness that is Boots. I went for Boots's half the price of the next competitor developing. Over a week later (Boot's version of 6 days) I collect the pictures. There not in any order. Odd. There's a couple of unexposed things, decked out in red and green stripes. One picture appears to have thin brown stripes spiralling out from a random point. Odder. The stripes have texture. And come off if you rub. Another picture has three white patches in it. They are quite large. And textured. It appears as if something has pulled off the surface of the paper. Oh, and I've just found someone's fingerprint embossed in the surface of one photograph. That photograph also has weird lines across the top and white space at the very top, even though they've not printed the top of the negative. Strangely so have the few following it as the film runs. Something just fell out, and it appears to be a bit of cut grass. What the hell have they been up to? And I wonder how they'll blame it on me this time?

Time to restart that Boots Utter Crapness campaign.

It doesn't help that I took a different film to the camera shop to get developed, expensively but decently. It was taken using Agfa Ultra which is apparently very colourful. I get them back. Seem pretty colourful. Much more primary colours than the average Kodak (but I like browny-yellow). Tutor flicks through them, and complains they're not as colourful as she expected. She complains about the strange digital process printing and the fact they're matt (um, that'll be because I asked for it).

I'm not quite sure how digital processing printing works. I think it's develop film normally, scan negatives, print from file. I'm not sure whether or not it's better than traditional expose-paper printing.

But the photography course has got back into the realm of interesting. Homework has been set - 3 films over 3 weeks, but the order is up to us. One film is to be used to take pictures of strangers (do I not ask and get punched? Or do I ask and get told to sod off?). The next film is to be used on some sporting event to see how well we cope with reacting quickly (sports? But, but, but... I can't really take my camera swimming, and I'm not sure the tai-chi swimmers go fast enough to need a quick shutter speed. And the other sport is sailing, and I'm not sure how one helms, trims and focuses at the same time). The third is the infrared, for which I need a filter, and I've no idea how to attach one to my camera. I already have an anti-UV one (it came with the camera) that screws in at the end, but everywhere which sells the filters talks of square. Square filter, round hole.

I just tried eBay. Oh there's one that's the right size, and it's only 2.99 (so far). Ah, that's dollars. So half that. Quite cheap. But there's the minor issue of postage. $5.00 more. So about £4.50 in total. Which is what the tutor said a second hand filter should cost anyway. And there's the minor problem of getting it here. I know the price includes postage, but normal airmail to and from the US usually takes anywhere between one and three weeks. Maybe I'll try Jessops first.

Oooh, I've also just discovered the polo effect exists in filters. You too can pay more to have one with a hole in it. But it's only Aussie dollars, so that's about 3 Pounds Monopoly, or two matchsticks.

I need some food (blame swimming in a crowded pool, hence having to overtake a lot).


PS. I've just noticed the unfortunate coincidence of the first word of this post and the image chosen to illustrate a later part. Oh well.

Those Polo filters look fun... if only they'd add a minty smell to the photos too.
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