Saturday, August 20, 2005

2005-08-16 068 Broken waterWho changed Google?

For some reason, if I'm egocentric (typoed as ecogentric. Is that a word? If so, what does it mean?) enough to stick the name of the this site into Google, instead of listing 1-10 results containing "Anyhoo", it does this (with a little editing):

Anyhoo! Zekes animation showoff page.
Place your bets on a rigged ASCII drag race. - 9k - 18 Aug 2005 - Cached - Similar pages

Anyhoo (yes "anyway" was already taken).
The one and only. - 85k - 18 Aug 2005 - Cached - Similar pages

Anyhoo (yes "anyway" was already taken).
The one and only, again. - 31k - Cached - Similar pages
[ More results from ]

Weebl and Bob - anyhoo
Mmmmmm pie! (bizarrely Weebl is the first result on Google for "pie"). - 8k - Cached - Similar pages

Anyroad is not a word. - 6k - Cached - Similar pages
See results for: anywho

AnyWho: Internet Directory Assistance; Yellow Pages, White Pages ...
Excuse me, I asked for "Anyhoo". How long can it be before Google asks "Does he take sugar?"

AT&T: Directory: Directory Assistance
Can I have the number for Charles Gotha, of Marlborough Road, SW1? He might be listed under Saxe.
アートメイクとまつげパーマのエニフー 出張アートメイク ネイルアート ... - [ Translate this page ]
What film does "Can you not tell that I am serious?" come from? - 42k - 18 Aug 2005 - Cached - Similar pages

Flickr: Photos from Anyhoo
"Nice" Drift Words, "Nice" Triggerfinger, "Nice" Bookmonger, "Nice" Dark Skies, "Nice" Nicola168, "Nice" Burning Champa, "Nice" cjelli, "Nice" florriebassingbourn, "Lovely" London Dan. I won't even bother counting the beautifuls. - 27k - Cached - Similar pages

Um, yeah, thanks for the "new and improved" goodness guys. It's, er, just what I always wanted, because as everyone knows I am quite incapable of typing the right words into the text box (although judging by the number of people who come here seeking "Hexidemical"...), so it really is very nice to have a computer not only suggest that I mean something else, but also treat me as if I did mean something else. It's not even as if the anywho section is one of those magic hideable things which I can folded away into nothingness; instead it gives three irrelevant results, and means the next page gives results 8-17 (but fortunately does not repeat the nannying thing).

Actually I wonder what Google would do if I stuck some really rude word in it*. Did I mean French Connection UK? Here are some results on the failed Conservative Party Youth initiative with the dire name of Conservative Front UK [Ed: That should Conservative Future UK. Freud haunts me].

*Trying not to use said word as MSN has decided I am unclean. Naturally, I will forget this and say something like "bugger" or "sodding hell" which Microsoft, being all American, wouldn't consider swearing. Although mention of hell surely counts of blasphemy to those who spell a certain word G-d. Just to be on the safe side I'd better start using bl-sph-my instead.

I, of course, haven't even ventured into considering just where on the Safe For America scale the idea of sodomy comes. As I've just had someone finding my site by searching for a term which included "SEX", complete with quotation marks, I'd probably better not (although the other parts of the search term did suggest that the searcher, from Arkansas, was not a total innocent).

But then I could be cruel and cause Mountain View to implode by searching for "Cnut". Well, if it overrides my words with a more popular option, but doesn't do swearing... Californians better start hoping it remembers the many spellings of Canute.

Other searchers are slightly less NSFA:
"manu chao me gustas tu traduction francais". Er, I thought part of the song already was in French? Basically he lists of things which he gustas [likes], so it's a bit like My Favourite Things from the Sound of Music, only in Spanish and French, and with a few less kittens (and slightly more drugs, although this is contestable).

"Fillum definition". Fillum is a Northumbrian dialect word originally derived from the word film, and having much the same meaning. I use it occasionally, usually in a very self-aware way, partly because some relatives used to say film like that, and partly because I'm far too easily amused each time one of the Channel 4 continuity announcers uses it.

"Foxtons film". Please God, no.

"[Censored] and Matt Barbet [censored]". Because I believe that counts as libel, Mr Person at NTL. And anyway I only do his nostrils, or ears, or any other bit of anatomy I feel like pondering upon. Besides, the BBC London website says he lives with his girlfriend, which might, one hopes, limit the possibilities.

I'm now trying to work out when I mentioned Alistair Appleton; Google is now claiming I haven't ever. Very odd.

Coincidentally he did part of the Prom last night. Which I ended up watching, largely due to a distinct lack of either a social life, or there being anything better on. It even had shrieking women, for God's sake. And why is it that the cameramen at things like the Proms always manage to pick out the youngest and least ugly member of any choir or orchestra? They might not have all been cameramen as there were quite a few returns shots to a young guy in the choir (although I suppose it could still have been a man controlling the camera).

Which brings me to my next point. Which would you choose: Alistair Appleton or Verity Sharp?

I'd better stop, as I'm getting distracted by AA's superb blog, and in the process wondering if the person I whose eye I caught across a crowded room, pre-Perdita (I would point you in the direction of the right post, but it's been sitting as a draft since April), was a certain television presenter (I thought he looked familiar). Now let's see... two weeks before the 8th May... a draft saved on the 24th April... the same production of the same play.




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