Wednesday, February 01, 2006

2006-01-13 011Ooooh sweary goodness!

Now let's see:
- One entire evening's work which, although apparently saved, has disappeared into the ether.
- The first of the submissions to my private-and-not-for-general-use email address has arrived. Thank god it's Gmail, otherwise they'd be bouncing already (Hmm, can I set it up to bounce anything it doesn't recognise? So tempting, yet so destructive, and they'd just think I was incompetent rather than someone else being remarkably stupid [even for him]).
- The hag/battleaxe/woman-with-glandular-problems in Sainsbury's decided the computer couldn't possibly be right, and so kept a big queue of people waiting for quarter of an hour while she found out whether or not Tariq was on lunch [at 10 pm - gotta love Sainsbury's shiftwork logic]. Ok, so I had just bought 4 packs of hot cross buns marked as 19 pence [reduced price] each but which were on offer as "buy 2 for £1". Can you see where this is going? Yes, the famous ability to get very cheap food which occasionally verges on the getting paid to take it away.

Once she held them up and kept putting them through and cancelling it again, I told her not to bother about them. I think what annoyed me most (other than someone noticing that I'd get paid ten-pence a pack, although she didn't clock the suspiciously cheap quiches. Did I mention this is why I hate Morrisons? It's because their computer programmer is too canny to let this slip through. That and the announcements about the in-store demonstrations of "Theft". Oh and the fact they're not as cheap as they like to claim) was that she ignored my wishes. There's me, a customer, being downfaced by someone who decides she knows better than me what I want. If I really wanted that sort of treatment, I'd be buying make-up.

Of course it's partly my fault for not arguing enough and for picking the wrong cashier. If you pick the unrelentingly thick all they say is "Yoga necker car?". The terminally bored and far too intelligent invariably respond to exploitations of automated systems with "Hell, why not? It's not my money", "Does it work with 2 for 1?" or "That's a good idea". Fat middle-aged women: Computer says no yes, but I say no.

- Her parting line: "'Was only doin'y'a favour, innit?". Sainsbury's have obviously updated their "customer engagement" course (I've probably still got the cards from it somewhere) as well as enhancing the definition of "favour". Somehow I wish my parting comment (if I'd had one) was something along the lines of telling her to go back to breeding shelfstackers (I think at least one of the people she had to check things with was her son).

- Writing a beautifully crafted and artfully honed letter to the manager, only to discover before making a proper copy of it that the main crux of my argument wasn't technically true (I was still tempted to send it just to see how long it took them to notice the fault. I'd guess the other side of the equinox at least). But I'm sure I can salvage most of the good lines, and anyway, I probably ought to complain more.

- And being slightly disconcerted by the way I can sound exactly like one of my grandmothers when displeased. Calm, polite, distinctly well spoken (and a few dozen social strata up from my normal speaking voice) and yet managing to use a voice which could liquefy any susceptible ground in a 15 mile radius. If you ever hear me sound like someone from the 1930s speaking on the telephone*, in a language which permits the use of "whom", there's trouble in them thar hills.

*Because one can't refer to a phone in the 1930s. A 'phone maybe.

- Blogging instead of going to sleep again. Such a bad idea.

Anyway, I really need the loo (I'm sure you wished to know that. And why is it that we think that constant movement is a good way relieving pressure? Ok, so the main receptors are at the base of the bladder, so by keeping the body of fluid vibrating it alleviates some of the pressure. But then surely there's the effect of gravity and reciprocity which means that any pressure removed is only delayed in its effect, and so the signal averages the same but fluctuates more widely? Hmm, some questions just aren't worth the answer, are they? Next time, I'll bring you "why can you see your breath on a cold day if you breathe out through your mouth but not through your nose?"), so I'd better stop.


Ha! Those last two posts actually had me LOL-ing.

Ooh and i know the answer to that last question. *waves hand in air* Me! Me! Pick me!
Anyone? Hmm... yes, you at the back, behind Azuric, why do you think that happens?
Interesting idea, now what does anyone else think - the girl beside Az.
And how would the elephants get there in the first place? It's certainly a very imaginative thought. Oh, alright Mr Azuric, you can go to the loo if you really can't wait till break.
Oh, that's not why you're bouncing up and down with your hand up? Right, so what do you think the answer is?

And for a bonus point can you tell me where on my blog someone has been adding comment spam about "interior design"?
*Clears throat*
Well sir, I believe its because when one breathes out, they exhale water vapour as well as carbon dioxide, and as the body is warm, when their breath leaves the body through the mouth and comes into contact with the cold air, it immediately cools.
As it cools, the water vapor condenses, so you can see it.
However the nasal pasages are lined with tiny hairs and membranes which reclaim moisture from the air before it is exhaled. As a result, there is no/less water vapour so no condensation occurs.
And, for the bonus point, i can tell you that it is definately not on any of the posts on the first page.
*Gives a big cheeky smile*
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