Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Tide predictionI'm beginning to feel as if the next thing I'll do is put on a bowler hat full of water.

Goshikins vexes me. He said something, I said something, he changes what he said, I look stupid. And most annoyingly, I've realised the problem with calling him Goshikins is that it is very hard to get cross with someone called that. Can you imagine a mother in the middle of a supermarket angrily saying "Goshikins Cyclisme Freaktadpole, come here now"? Can you?

Yes actually, although it depends on the supermarket. But people round here have a penchant for the unique (read daft). In Tesco's it's Kaysea Jodie Lillibet Thwackface; Sainsbury's Tallulah Butterscotch Granger; Waitrose Claudia Gunhild St John-Fauntleroy"; and in M&S one never hears the name, as the parents just don't give a shit.

Whilst seeking out a suitably obscure Old English name, I flicked through Wikipedia's list of kings at random, alighting on Harthacanute. With a name like that, the wife's has to be good. Ah, no wife. Mother then. Mother, wife of Canute: Emma. Not very obscure. Æthelred the Unready then. Married the same Emma. This isn't going too well. Female names of the era come down to the familiar (Edith, Maud) versus the unpronounceable (Ælfgifu, Świętosława).

I've lost where I was going with this. Probably ought to stop then.


PS. Does this mean we're going to have to wellcome Goshikins here soon? But where will he get all his "noble Englishman braving the natives" anecdotes from?

I swear I hadn't seen that you'd linked to it before you changed it. Honest.

As for "Tesco mums" - There's an age bracket here in Germany (aged about 6-12) and all the little boys are called "Kevin" - I kid you not, Kevin was the most popular German boys' name for a few years. It splits along class lines again - one is much more likely to hear "Kevin, nein!" at Aldi than at er, well anywhere else really.
So Harry Enfield never reached Germany? In which case you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Oh well.

I swear I hadn't seen that you'd linked to it before you changed it. Honest.

Methinks he dost protest too much.

Hang on [coughing on next door's oddly pungent smoke]; ...before you changed it. Now you're just trying to confuse me.
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